Page 76 - Berg_Mortuary_Bishops_Guide

76 BISHOP’S GUIDE

from visitors who try too hard to cheer him up are inappropriate. He may silently turn to
sincere, meaningful prayer and begin to think of things ahead rather than behind. He will be
grateful to those who can sit with him quietly without constantly telling him not to be sad.

It the individual has had enough time and support in the initial stages of adjustment, he will
enter the final stage of being neither angry nor depressed.
He becomes neither happy nor sad, but is in a peaceful mood of acceptance. This is the time
when the family usually needs more help and support than the person, for often they have not

yet come to grips with reality.
Death is a part of God’s plan and provides an opportunity for faith to overcome fear. It is
a time when free agency does not allow us the option of whether or not we will face the trial,
only how we will face it.

When the bereaved or terminally ill individual asks my assistance in explaining or justifying
their problem, I counsel them that their primary task is not to find explanations but to accept
death and dying. Every mourner and every terminally ill individual has to face this reality, and
each comes to the task with unique spiritual and emotional characteristics and needs. Yet there
are general stages, any or all of which may be observable, and the sensitive family member,
priesthood leader, visiting teacher, or friend who is aware of these emotional stages is better
equipped to help the individual face death and dying successfully.

The sensitive companion will not avoid discussing the person’s questions, for this can be an
important assistance to those who are bereaved or dying; however, he will be a listener primar-
ily, not a preacher indulging in speculation. Receptive to the infinite experience and wisdom
available through the Holy Ghost, he will quietly help the individual resolve his complex,
searching questions and to come to an understanding of the importance of faith in God as a
vital step in coming to acceptance.

Recently in our ward an elderly sister suffered the loss of her husband. Again I observed how
members who have suffered a loss and who have a secure knowledge of the plan of salvation
find their testimonies to be a substantial source of comfort and peace of mind. She did ask
several of the questions that are often asked by the bereaved or dying, but she already knew the
answers to most of them. The presence of a family member and friends with the same knowl-
edge provided adequate emotional support, and this sister quickly came to understand that her
husband had lived a long and fruitful life and that he was going to prepare a place for her.

On the other hand, some time ago I counseled a young Latter-day Saint widow who seemed
to have an insatiable desire to know what the spirit world and life after death are like. She had
to feel that her husband was personally needed in the spirit world for a specific mission. She
searched the scriptures, studied Church history, and read several books that included a discus-