Page 329 - SHERLOCK transcripts

328

JANINE (laughing): You don’t have to look so scared. I’m only messing. Bridesmaid, best man
... It’s a bit traditional.
(She gently punches his arm. He looks down with distaste.)
SHERLOCK: Is it?
JANINE (a little awkwardly): But not obligatory(!)
SHERLOCK: If that’s the sort of thing you’re looking for ... (he jerks his head towards one of the
wedding guests) ... the man over there in blue is your best bet. Recently divorced doctor with a
ginger cat ... (there’s a close-up of a ginger cat hair stuck on the man’s suit, and the sound of a
miaow) ... a barn conversion ... (close-up of sawdust on the man’s footwear) ... and a history of
erectile dysfunction.
(The close-up pulls out a little to reveal that the man is wearing cowboy boots. There’s the
sound of a bullet ricocheting off something with a high-pitched ping, like in a Western movie.
Sherlock blinks.)
SHERLOCK: Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet.
JANINE: Yeah, maybe not.
SHERLOCK (looking puzzled): Sorry – there was one more deduction there than I was
expecting.
JANINE: Mr Holmes ... (she takes his arm) ... you’re going to be incredibly useful.
(Again Sherlock looks down at her hand. He frowns.)

Later, John and Mary, with Sherlock at John’s side, are standing outside the venue for the
reception, greeting the guests.
MARY (shaking a man’s hand): Hello. Lovely to meet you.
(She then kisses a woman. The woman moves on to kiss John, and another man moves in to
kiss Mary.)
MARY: How are you?
MAN: You look beautiful, Mary.
MARY: Thank you!
MAN: Congratulations.
(More guests move past the three of them, then a man wearing a lurid purple tie comes
forward. Mary looks at him with delight.)
MARY: David!
(She reaches out her arms ready to hug him. He leans away, laughing nervously, and just
clasps her arms briefly.)
DAVID: Mary. Congratulations. You look, um, very nice.
(He quickly moves away from her. Mary looks puzzled. He shakes John’s hand.)
DAVID: John, congratulations. You’re a lucky man.
JOHN: Thank you.
MARY: Um, er, David, this is Sherlock.
(Sherlock smiles at him, tight-lipped.)
DAVID: Um, yeah. We’ve, um, we’ve met.
(He looks down nervously.)

FLASHBACK. David, sitting at the dining table in 221B, looks around the room and then turns to
where Sherlock is sitting opposite him holding a pen.
DAVID: So, what exactly are my duties as an usher?
(He picks up the Sudokube [Click for image] from the desk and idly plays with it. Sherlock
frowns disapprovingly, then puts down his pen and folds his hands.)
SHERLOCK: Let’s talk about Mary, first.
DAVID: Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK: Oh, I think you know what. You went out with her for two years.
DAVID: A-ages ago. We’re j... we’re just good friends now.
SHERLOCK: Is that a fact?
(He looks down at his notes in front of him.)
SHERLOCK: Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes regardless of time or
current location, suggesting you have her on text alert. In all your Facebook photographs of the
happy couple, Mary takes centre frame whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded.
DAVID (laughing uncomfortably): You can’t assume from that I’ve still got some kind of interest
in Mary.
SHERLOCK: You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on on no less than three separate
occasions. Do you have anything to say in your defence?

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)