Page 335 - SHERLOCK transcripts

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(Mary’s smile fades. Sherlock continues reading the message.)
SHERLOCK: “Wish your family could have seen this.”
(John looks round and sees Mary’s face. He reaches out and takes her hand.)
JOHN: Hey. Hmm?
(She smiles reassuringly at him.)
SHERLOCK (looking at the next card): Um, “special day” ... (he drops the card onto the table
and looks at the next one) ... “very special day” ... (he drops that one, then continues working
rapidly through the next ones) ... “love” ... “love” ... “love” ... “love” ... “lo...”; bit of a theme –
you get the general gist. People are basically fond.
(There’s some laughter from the guests.)
SHERLOCK (looking at them): John Watson. (He gestures towards John.) My friend, John
Watson. (He looks down for a moment, then looks at John.) John.
(John smiles at him. Sherlock turns to his audience again.)
SHERLOCK: When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused.

FLASHBACK. John trots up the stairs to 221B.
JOHN: Sherlock?
SHERLOCK (from the kitchen): What was that noise downstairs?
(John turns into the kitchen. Sherlock is standing at the table in his camel coloured dressing
gown. Wearing safety glasses, he is holding an eyeball with a large pair of tweezers and is
holding a lit blowtorch near to the optic nerve dangling behind it.)
JOHN: Er, it was Mrs Hudson laughing.
SHERLOCK: Sounded like she was torturing an owl.
JOHN: Yeah. Well, it was laughter.
SHERLOCK: Could have been both.
JOHN (looking at what he’s doing): Busy?
(Sherlock sighs heavily.)
SHERLOCK: Just occupying myself. (He lifts his head and looks dramatically towards the
ceiling.) Sometimes, it’s so-o-o hard not smoking.
(The eyeball slips out of the tweezers and drops with a splash into a mug on the table. Sherlock
looks down at it.)
SHERLOCK: Oh.
JOHN: Mm-hmm. Mind if I interrupt?
SHERLOCK (putting down the tweezers and gesturing to the chair at the end of the table): Er,
be my guest.
(He switches off the blowtorch and puts it down while John walks over and pulls back the chair
from the table. Sherlock picks up the mug and offers it to him.)
SHERLOCK: Tea?
JOHN: Er ...
(He shakes one hand to decline the offer. Sherlock puts down the mug and takes off his
glasses.)
JOHN (sitting down): So. The big question.
SHERLOCK (turning to face him): Mm-hm.
JOHN (folding his hands and putting them onto the table in front of him): The best man.
SHERLOCK: The best man?
JOHN: What do you think?
SHERLOCK (instantly): Billy Kincaid.
JOHN: Sorry, what?
SHERLOCK (quick fire): Billy Kincaid, the Camden Garrotter. Best man I ever knew. Vast
contributions to charity, never disclosed.
(John frowns.)
SHERLOCK (quick fire): Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure and ran the
best and safest children’s homes in north England.
(John tiredly rubs his fingers over his eyes.)
SHERLOCK (grimacing briefly): Yes, every now and again there’d be some garrottings, but
stacking up the lives saved against the garrottings, on balance I’d say ...
JOHN (interrupting): For my wedding! For me. I need a best man.
SHERLOCK: Oh, right.
JOHN: Maybe not a garrotter.
SHERLOCK: Gavin?
JOHN: Who?

Transcripts by Ariane DeVere (arianedevere@livejournal.com)